Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
