Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
