I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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