so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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