Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
