Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
