All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
