I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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