A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
