The maid of honor just puked.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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