he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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