I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
