I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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