It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
