Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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