What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
