do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
