if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
