If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my shit smells like andre
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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