member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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