he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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