i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize