Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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