He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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