He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
