You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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