remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
