If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
