Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
