It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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