hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
