You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize