guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
