Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
