This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
