he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
