I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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