Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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