You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
