I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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