The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
