Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
