is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
