I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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