there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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