It's like God shit irony all over that family
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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