Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
