Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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