just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize