I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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