The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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