there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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