So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
