I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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