Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
