member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
