So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
