Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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