I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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