i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
