Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
