Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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