Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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