I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
