At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
